“We ran out of sod”, grounds crewman was heard saying after walking away from child with two handfuls of chewing gum.
Brewers forced to use bat boy’s watermelon Big League Chew to patch outfield
BREAKING NEWS
- The White House is giving away their chairs, as long as you’re willing to give away your chairs to them, so it’s really more of a trade
- Amazon doesn’t allow their employees to use the restroom, because they keep stealing the Amazon Basics Toilet Tissue
- The strongest ant in the world was just seen rolling a hush puppy up a tree to its lazy family
- King Charles III now identifies as Queen Charles the First
- A guy in Iowa thought some dried cum on his hand was eczema, then went to a doctor, the doctor agreed, and he’s now suing for the misdiagnosis
- That spider you tried to kill has been laying eggs in your tea kettle FOR WEEKS
- The oldest photo with 3 people wearing hats has been donated to every museum but gets rejected every time
- Home Depot is recalling a few million plants after finding Dippin’ Dots in the soil
- Typo by Clarance Thomas makes abortion mandatory
- Several schools in Eastern Iowa are forcing their students to wear a bracelet if they’re Pagan
- One person’s Palo Santo is another person’s oak dipped in perfume and then placed in a bag that says Authentic Palo Santo and then sold to the first person mentioned
- Flamingo leg bone marrow contains more protein than roughly 2 cows
- Foamy carwashes may look cute but they’re turning penises softer and not a single scientist even wants to hypothesize why this is happening
- Sir Ringo and Sir Paul were seen buying a bunch of fertilizer, so they were put on the terrorism watchlist just in case
- California’s Police Academy is running out of instructors due to persuasive students
- If you think gas prices are high, wait til you see how much a gallon of giraffe pee costs
- Lysol recalls 650,800 bottles of shower cleaner that make your shower dirtier
- One man in China has a secret he’ll only tell you if you bring him candies from a far away land
- The first documented “uh oh that wasn’t just gas” sold for way too much money yesterday
- Big Bird interrupted a peaceful Westboro Baptist Church protest by stealing the second letter ‘H’ in “ALL WHORES GO TO HELL” from a CHILD
- Kosovo’s top turmeric wholesaler has started to sell it as brown sugar to people who tragically lost their sense of taste while battling COVID-19
- Senate to vote on a law that would make an 8+ layered lasagna a misdemeanor to make and a felony to consume
- Humans are forgetting how to blow their noses and one scientist from Bolivia thinks she may know why
