Science
If someone says they don’t believe in aliens, you can be pretty certain they enjoy eating octopus
Sustainable cork can be made by compressing old cardboard, but stinks every time you poke a new hole
Doctors have found Coronavirus in the brains of cadavers, but it’s possibly from cracking open skulls with dirty tools or from using Q-Tips
Alpha waves have been beta this entire time
New dog breed features hairy, curly penis above its butt which will make doggie style a weird thing moving forward
Firestone unveiled new thinner but thicker tire at Zoom Zoom Zoom 2020
Bye-bye Hydroxychloroquine, hello barium in the butt? Trump tweeted then deleted his support of the procedure saying that he and Melania have “several inches of barium in our butts right this very moment”
Glass jam jars account for most of the pollution at the bottom of the Mariana Trench
Cleaning up our oceans by throwing plastic into volcanoes ended up being a bad idea
Cro-Magnon went extinct from not being able to keep their massive 19 to 41 inch penises erect long enough to you know what — “Kinda hot and sad”, Bill Nye tweeted
For the first time since Freddie Mercury left us, California’s skyline ended its day with rainbow clouds prompting religious scholars to hypothesize that he finally made it to Heaven with, both, Muhammad and Jesus
Due to the possibility of AI inventing a time machine, a new law has been implemented allowing sexual intercourse with pre-humans, because scientists think we may find them irresistible which got the senate to come back from recess a week early
Grass long enough to tickle even the tallest of noses might be the left’s best way to get the religious right on board with climate change
How do leprechauns stay happy despite being so short and ugly? 99 bitches from a recent survey on Family Feud said it’s from the magical beer those drunk bastards are always full of
Stuck in a bathroom with a bad guy on the other side? Experts say to use a hinge pin to shove in eye and then run out screaming, because those same experts say not even a bad guy wants to deal with a person who would do such a thing
Cannabis is no longer allowed in Los Angeles Zoo after a lady throws weed infused sardines at dolphin and of course that dude got super high maaaan
Human penile girth is shrinking worldwide and this is gonna sound crazy but a dolphin in a Tanzanian zoo might know why
Cups with built-in straws are too big to fit inside a turtle’s mouth, unless it bites off the straw part
